Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of probably-has-a-basket-of-fruit-on-the-cover fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 8.
8. There is an orgasm “gap.” While it’s true that a small number of men have trouble with orgasm, sex experts report that it’s rare. Instead, a significant percentage of women report not having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, even when their male partner thought they had. “We still have an orgasm gap,” notes Dr. Herbenick. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” The cure? It’s complicated, says Dr. Herbenick, but women who are comfortable with and understand their body’s pleasure points can often learn to orgasm regularly.
Yes, it is complicated. Well, wait, no - it's not that complicated...but kinda. I've said it before - an excessive amount of times really - and I'm about to say it again. Women need clitoral stimulation in order to come. Intercourse is a terrible way to get that, yet a great way to give men the penile stimulation they need to come. Yeah, not every couple is just banging the p in the v for every sex act, but some are, and I would bet that those who are doing other more clit stimmy things are still doing a pretty good amount of straight up p in v even if they do mix it up sometimes. The point is that because things are just the way things are, a lot of intercourse is happening and not a lot of clitoral stimulation is. It really doesn't take a rocket scientists to see why there is an orgasm gap.
Herbenick is right though, the cure is a little complicated. You'd think it would just come down to men and women realizing that clit stim is needed; dudes being cool and open to change; ladies learning for ourselves what specific physical things we need to get there; and then bringing that all into the bedroom (or backseat of a car, or office bathroom, whatever you're into at the moment). Problem is, those things don't just fall into place. People are stubborn, scared, unsure. People are people, wild and unpredictable as we are. Plus all of us alive right now had a lifetime heaping helping of bad ladygasm learning, and some things we just can't unlearn so easy.
Anyway, it is actually complicated, but it's also very much not. We have a place to start. We know why the problem exists, so maybe we can start uncomplicating it a bit - if not for us, maybe for the next generation.
...#9 tomorrow...
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