4.25.2013

Thoughts on the Betty Dodson Masturbation Class Article



Betty Dodson at the Class
Ol' Betty Dodson's at it again. She ran one of her famous female masturbation classes, and a NY Magazine writer went to report (I recommend reading the article by Rose Surnow HERE). Although Betty's still a busy activist (check her website with Carlin Ross HERE), she doesn't do a ton of these classes anymore, so it's cool to hear some people are still getting a chance to experience it.

I have noticed the article getting a bit of press, and I'm pretty happy about it. I have a lot of respect for Ms. Dodson and the work she has done for Orgasm Equality. I was actually able to interview her for this blog, wrote a series of posts about her, and she even contributed to our Kickstarter fundraiser for the movie to which this blog relates, Science, Sex and the Ladies. So, quickly, here's what I liked or found interesting in the article.

1 The author said, "I was on my way to a female group masturbation workshop where I was going to be “playing the clitar” in front of strangers for approximately five hours." I like the term "playing the clitar," and I like that masturbation was clearly and accurately associated with clitoral stimulation.

2 About how Betty got into this, the article reads;
Originally a fine artist, Betty changed careers in the '70s when she discovered feminism and the sexual revolution. She started going to group sex parties and while watching couples get down she noticed a pattern: All the men were climaxing and all the women were faking it. Not a single woman was having a real orgasm. She was so upset she decided to take matters into her own hands, and when I say “matters” I mean clits.
 Again, I love the clit love, but also, I'd like to point out how very real this men-are-orgasming-but-women-aren't problem still is. For one, just look at porn. Faking is what female porn stars do, they even say as much on documentaries. Also, the stats about how often women come during intercourse hasn't really changed  since then. Only about 1/3 of women claim to come on a regular basis during intercourse (our most common of sexual interactions) - even though all it would take for us to regularly orgasm too would be for us to work our own clits during the act. We have a lot more work to do in this culture to make women feel entitled and comfortable pursuing their orgasms in realistic ways - i.e. clit stim causes orgasms - not vaginal stimulation.

3 Betty said this, which I think is a pretty realistic and thoughtful thing to say;
“My mantra is vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation,” Betty said. She believes that it’s crucial not to focus solely on clitoral stimulation when you jill off because then when you have partner sex, you’ll be totally lost.
I mean, she's got a good point. Most of the time women spend in sexual situations is going to be dominated by the act of intercourse. Yeah, it'd be nice if non intercourse activities were more of a main course in sexual interactions, but for the moment - reality is reality. Ladies, for us, getting off during partnered sex largely includes rubbin' one out while there's a wang up our vag. Having something in there and not having something in there feels a little different, and it's a good idea to become familiar during masturbation with the sensations that will be present during intercourse. Plus, it's a good idea to have some variety in your masturbation routine - for men and women alike. The way we masturbate sort of teaches us how to orgasm, and the more variety we have in our jerkin' repertoire, the more varied we can be in our sexual interactions with other people.

4 In general, the author was really open and positive and didn't get al wierded out by a big naked masturbation / show and tell circle. It was just kind of a sweet article.


Photo of Betty Dodson by Bek Anderson at http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/11/i-went-to-a-female-masturbation-class.html

4.22.2013

Origami Condoms: Real Good For The Gents, Nice For The Ladies Too



A new type of condom?! Why yes actually.

I don't usually go into sexual health issues here, and in fact, this isn't completely about sexual health. It's about sexual pleasure, mostly. The deal is there is this new condom that moves against the skin differently than our tried and true old school condoms. You can watch the video below to see what I mean (FYI - it has a person jerking off dildos with each type of condom - so don't watch while your boss is looking over your shoulder - unless your boss is cool).


Clearly, for men this is going to be a better experience than the old way. In fact, I think this crazy condom seems like a pretty good masturbation accessory for men - which you just can't beat...or can beat (get it, beat...the meat). Anyway, I think it'll be nicer for women too, not because it will contribute more towards arousal and orgasm as it seems it would do for men, but because I think it will keep things moister down there, and as we all know - the wetter the better. I never really dislike condoms, but I would say my biggest complaint is that they tend to make the whole thing drier, and there's sometimes a touch of pulling at the ol' entrance that I would prefer to do without. I don't know exactly why that's the case, but I always assumed that the latex created a bit more friction than skin or that the latex somehow whisked out more of the lubrication into the air during thrusts or that when out in the air, the moisture on a condom was able to dry quicker than moisture on skin. I don't really know, but it certainly seems like the way the penis moves more inside this new condom, that there would be less friction and more of a seal during penetration to keep the moisture all doin' its job down there. So, I think that's pretty cool.

 If you're worried about how this might adversely affect female orgasm, then please don't. We ladies don't orgasm through stimulation of the vagina anyway, so no problems/change there (I explain that statement more HERE). I mean, if this new condom somehow kept hands or vibrators or mouths from touching our clits...now then we'd have a problem.

Like I said, I don't usually get into it here, but I think the sexual health importance is too awesome to go unnoticed. Condoms save lives, but a lot of men don't like to use condoms. Men often complain that they lessen the feeling, that they have a hard time keeping erections with condoms on, and that they hurt or pinch at times. Plus, a lot of people put them on wrong. Yeah, we could just say stop whining, and don't be dumb asses, but that's not working very well. Wouldn't it be better to just a have a condom that was super easy to put on and that men enjoyed using? This condom was recently praised on the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation blog, “Origami Condoms provides an excellent example of a private enterprise focused on new condom design to promote consistent use by emphasizing the sexual experience.” They, as do I, hope more innovative ideas are on the way.

Also, since this is the Science Sex and the Ladies Blog, I have to point out that a little more sexifying of non penetrative sex acts couldn't hurt either. If we can up the sexy status of masturbation, mutual masturbation and handies, we'd be avoiding a lot of disease, pregnancy and - bonus -  also doing things that can get us ladies off.

4.19.2013

Random Hite Report 4



Hello there all, I know you want some more..what?...RANDOM HITE Report, ya'll! Seriously, though, it's been a while since I gave you a randomly flipped to page out of an ol' Orgasm Equality Movement must-read, The Hite Report. If you want more info on this 1976 book that allowed women to tell the world about their own orgasms, feelings and sexual experiences - in their own words, then please head HERE.
The following is from the chapter "Is Orgasm Important?"


Pg. 130 The Hite Report Dell. 1976.

    "Only physicians and clergymen tell women we should comfort and pleasure our husbands, and to 'stop chasing rainbows' when our turn comes around."
    "The idea that it doesn't matter if women have orgasms or not is an absurd lies women tell themselves."
    "I am entitled to orgasms. If I have to masturbate to get them, then my man should also have to masturbate for his and that does not mean masturbating in my vagina - i.e. intercourse when he's the only one who has orgasms."

Women are now under great pressure to perform by having orgasms, especially during intercourse.
    It does seem clear that women should have a right to orgasms during sex as part of the natural course of things. However, now that the idea has become popular that women should enjoy sex "too," this new "right" has sometimes turned into an oppression. Women are made to feel that they must have orgasms more to please the man than to please themselves.
     "It is only fair to him, and makes him feel 'as a man' and successful."
     "I 'perform' and boost his ego and confidence and love for me with an orgasm. I do not like to think of
myself as a performer, but I feel judged and also judge myself, when I don't have an orgasm."
     "There's this pressure there is something psychologically wrong with you if you don't have an orgasm"
     "Yes, alas, I still feel I must have an orgasm to make him feel, er, macho.
     "An orgasm is not necessary to make you 'normal' but men do expect it, so I often force myself, especially because he enjoys watching. Besides its better for him to feel a contracting vagina, but you can also do that at will if you practice"
    "Yes, I feel the need to perform orgasmically, competitively with other women at large in the community. I wish I didn't. It really got started when I used to feel pressure from my former partner, because if I didn't come, it proved he wasn't a 'real man' but I'm not a star or a two-ring circus."

4.17.2013

Kisses Down Low by Kelly Rowlands Added to Dirty Songs Champs



I am going to add another song to the Spotify SSL Dirty Song Champs list (we're up to 8 now!). It's a simple song, really. It's just about a girl who likes her kisses down low. Maybe this means that she likes them while in the basement, or that she likes them away from other's eyes - on the "down low" as the kids say, but I think what Ms. Kelly Rowlands is telling us listeners is that she likes kisses to the crotch - a good eatin' out, if you will. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's what she means.

I actually don't have a lot more to say about this song. There's just not that much to it. Most of the song consists of the following lyrics:
I like my kisses down low
Makes me arch my back
When you gave it to me slow
Baby just like that
She does, though, tell us right off the bat, in the opening lines to the song that see those "kisses down low" are, well, one of her favorite things, like brown paper packages tied up with string are to Julie Andrews.
You put in over time, over night, doing everything I like, go so right yeah
You hold me close, squeeze me tight, look me deep inside my eyes, baby you know I love it
But nothing can compare to when you kiss me there
The rest of the lyrics just contain vague stuff about how hot it is, how sexy she feels, and how much she likes having sexy time with her dude. There are, happily, no unrealistic descriptions of women coming like a porn star from things that would not actually make a woman come at all; things like getting banged from behind while biting pillows or other such descriptive possibilities. There are really no discussions of coming at all, just back arching and pleasure, but it's pleasure caused from cunnilingus which is a realistic situation in which that pleasure could move forward into a straight up orgasm.

At the end of the day, my friends, it's just a woman singing about how she likes her man to put his kisses on her lady junk - and who doesn't? However, it's also a refreshing flip to the norm; It's a woman singing about something that can realistically become an orgasmic experience for her, but that is really just work (maybe sexy work, but work none the less) for her male partner. We ladies are usually the ones putting in the work and the men are reaping the orgasmic rewards in most sexy songs, but not this time, and I think that is worth while.

4.14.2013

Beauty Jackson Blogs Some Truth!



I came across a post on BlogHer by Beauty Jackson  called My Body, My Orgasm, My Choice. It's about being honest with yourself and potential partners when it comes to sex; being honest about what you desire from the sexual relationship, ignoring others' judgements, trusting your instincts, and also accepting that any type of sexual relationship can be positive if it starts from honesty. It's a good read. I recommend checking it out HERE.

Why do I tell you about this blog? I like to highlight posts I see on the ol' interwebs that I think have some type of contribution to the Orgasm Equality Movement. This post by Beauty Jackson is a little bit of an unorthodox pick for me because it doesn't specifically discuss or depict details of female sexual release. What it does, however, is approach female sex drive in terms of orgasm, and that's not usually how I see that subject framed, although I do so wish I saw it more.

Too often, discussions of women and sex focus on the emotional and psychological, and they shy away from considering purely physical reasons for desiring or engaging in sexy time. Discussions of men and sex, on the other hand, tend to over emphasize the purely physical aspects of sexual drive. I feel like this typical way our culture views female vs. male sexual drive feeds into the idea that the physical pleasure of an orgasm is simply not that important to women, and certainly not as important as it is for men (why, we ladies can be sure nuff sexually satisfied by the emotional closeness while getting banged or by romantic dinners - or something to that effect).  Like I say often in this blog, downplaying the importance of orgasm for women is just a cover for ignoring the extreme ignorance in our culture about how women actually, physically orgasm and a way to overlook how few orgasms women actually have in partnered sexual situations.

In my mind, a voice that is speaking about females and sex with an eye towards our desire for orgasm, is a wonderful counter balance to most of the media out there.
 So ask yourself, “What is it that I actually want?”  The answer might be, “Something lasting and meaningful.”  But sometimes, when it’s cold, quiet and rainy and you have nothing else to do, the answer to that question is, “An orgasm,” so you slip into that mo’ better to pass the time. And you know what?  There’s not a thing in this world wrong with that.
What particularly struck me in her post was that she didn't simply make a connection between female desire and vague notions of physical pleasure, she used the word orgasm. It probably shouldn't be, but I think it's still a bold move to straight up connect female desire to an orgasm. It seems more raw and dirty than just talking about sexual pleasure - which conjures up more sweet and sensual images of oil massages and gentle kisses to the neck. "Pleasure" does not necessarily include the physical pleasure enjoyed from a grunty, sweaty, selfish orgasm. So I give props to Beauty Jackson for being real, beccause honestly, I know some romantic touching and kissing feels nice, but if we didn't also expect to have an orgasm, I don't think it'd take too long before the idea of sex got a little boring. When we're plain and simple horny ladies, it's an orgasm that's gonna scratch that itch - not some sensual skin on skin contact alone, am I right?

Anyway, I liked Beauty Jackson's style. I think if we had more women openly discussing sexual desire, we might have more women beginning to feel entitled to desire sexual activity in whatever way they choose, and maybe, just maybe, also feel entitled to do whatever needs to be done during those sex acts to get themselves an orgasm. Then, my ladies, we'd really start to be on the road towards orgasm equality.

4.10.2013

The Road to Wellville - The SSL Review



The Road to Wellville had been on my list of movies to watch for a good while now. I had seen it as a teenager and vaguely remembered a woman being manually manipulated by a doctor for "health reasons." So, certainly this was on my list when I started thinking of things to SSL review. Strangely, this movie was not easy to find. It wasn't on Netflix, Hulu, or Vudu. How, pray tell, is one supposed to see a movie in this situation? I had to actually go out of my house to Family Video, which turned out to be pretty fun. The not-new-releases were only $1 for 5 days, so I got 5 movies. Some you may be seeing an SSL review on. Some you probably won't, like Tootsie. I've never really seen that one, and it was recently recommended to me on the grounds that it was funny.

Back to the matter at hand...I looked up a little on The Road to Wellville while I was distraught with confusion over how I could possibly watch it, and I felt pretty confident that it was going to get a good SSL review. As I began watching, my hopes stayed high. It was set at this health resort type place at the turn of the century and the philosophy there held that masturbation and any non procreational sex was crazy unhealthy - something that might put you in your grave. Eleanor, the main female character, had a friend named Virginia who had a lot of nice progressive lines.
Virginia: My dear Eleanor, there is no greater pleasure for a woman than bicycling in one's bloomers.
Eleanor: You know bicycling for women is still very much frowned upon back in Peterson.
Virginia: Oh, what they're missing! Fresh air, the exercise...and the pleasure of a leather saddle between one's thighs.
Eleanor: Well, Virginia, what do you mean?
Virginia: Bicycle smile, I believe they call it. It's changed my life.
Eleanor: I'm afraid I don't follow.
Virginia: My dear, I have very little use for my husband in the sexual gratification department, but I find a long ride on my bicycle once a week, does the trick.
Man up front: Come on you two, your lagging!
Virginia: You go ahead Eleanor. I feel a smile coming on.

A turn of the century sexual feminist insinuating that husband sex (presumably experienced as straight up intercourse) doesn't do it for her, but rubbing her crotch area against a bike seat does? Sound accurate to me. She also says the following when Eleanor asks her if she really thinks sex is harmful. "Another ridiculous idea dreamed up by men. The only thing harmful about sex, my dear, is when women don't get enough of it when they want it or don't get to enjoy it when they do." She also introduces Eleanor to a vegetarian activist who also wrote a "great paper on the clitoris," and she recommended Eleanor go to this doctor who is said to "manipulate the womb" (I'll talk about him later). He insinuated to be someone who manually gives women orgasms, and Virgina describes her experience as "floating on clouds" after he finished with her.


So I felt like this movie was on a the right track. Plus, there was something promising in the Wikipedia plot description:
...He goes to find Eleanor, only to find her and Virginia Cranehill receiving clitoral massages from Dr. Spitzvogel at the same time Dr. Badger is masturbating...
 Clitoral massage? Group mutual masturbation? Why wouldn't I love this movie? Well, probably because the author of this Wikipedia post oversold the whole clitoral massage thing. You see, this movie wasn't as progressive as I'd expected. The only thing this procedure is ever called in the movie is a womb massage by both the Vegetarian/Clitoris Expert (who finds the procedure quite a positive thing) and the head of the health resort (who find womb massages a terrible health risk). Even though there is some level of humor associated with calling it that, it still makes it seem like this is an inner vaginal manipulation, not an outer clitoral manipulation. I realize that with the movie's vagueness about this procedure, it could be taken different ways by different people, but this isn't the only reason I feel the movie derails toward a "inner vaginal stimulation equals orgasm" feel rather than a "clitoral stimulation equals orgasm" feel. See what Will Lightbody (the He in the Wikipedia excerpt above) says after catching his wife and Virginia getting their "wombs manipulated."

Will: Eleanor, Eleanor, don't you think I deserve an explanation?
Eleanor: It's not what it looked like. You're overreacting.
Will: Overreacting? The man had his hands in your crotch!
Eleanor: It was medicine!
Will: Medicine?! The guy was up to his elbows!
Eleanor: Stop it! Stop it, Will! Alright maybe I went to far, but you know something? It felt good. It felt very good. I felt good. You'd never understand.

I mean, to me it sounds like he had his hands up in her vag, right? And, the visuals could be in line with that. The scene is the two women laying face up, side by side in old-timey undergarments on a blanket in the great outdoors. A naked German dude is between them on his knees facing them with his hands generally in each of their upskirt vicinities. You can tell that he is working his arms, but it's not completely clear if it's an in-out motion or just some vague movement. You don't see it for very long. However, I'd like to point out that if we are to believe he's working clits, then he's some kinda skilled ass man; workin' a clit each with his right and left hand at the same time - it's crazy! I mean, these ladies are breathing hard and everything. They are surely on their way to orgasms town. (Oh and he's also singing something that sounds like a German lullaby, and there's this other dude laying there naked and masturbating - just thought you should know). Anyway, the whole scene felt as if a dude was double finger-f*cking ladies up their vaginas. The words used about this procedure made it seem that way too, and so at least some of the viewers are left assuming the finger in vag thing made these women orgasm.

To be a bit more clear about how this movie depicted these "manipulations," I can tell you about the earlier scene where Eleanor went to this German dudes place of business, on the recommendation of Virginia, to get her own business taken care of. She gets in, is told to slip into a robe, to lay down, and to think beautiful thoughts. He tells her to relax, breath, open her legs, you know, the usual. Then he's clearly got his hands up in her genital region, and it's really just going from shots of her face to her hand clenching to a shot of him from about the armpits up. If I were pushed, I'd say his shoulder looks like it's moving in circular motions, but his body is kinda thrusting towards her, and he's getting all hot and bothered. It kinda has a feel like he's mock having intercourse with her through his fingers, so this scene too seemed vaginal, not clitorally focused. She eventually has this screaming, porn-like orgasm. I found it a bit ree-dic.

This "vaginal stimulation means orgasm" thing in this movie also shows up when Will seemed to have unrealistically pleasurable (for her) intercourse with this sickly women. She believed she was dying and decided she wanted to screw the anti-sex stance of the health club and just live life.  The sex happened completely under a big tent like thing over this woman's bed. Only her head stuck out. His whole body was under this tent like thing. It was on the sly, and also just believe me - this bed thing was weird and hard to explain. What is easy to explain is that in the span of about 10 seconds, he got into her bed, put it in her (judging from the quick, slightly surprised exhale she blurted out), started having intercourse (judging from the way her head was being pushed back and forth), and she started really thinking it was pleasurable (judging from the sensual breathing and eye closing she was doing). Come on, that's just lame, unrealistic, romance novel kinda depictions. Could she have even lubricated in that time?

Okay, so there are progressive parts to this movie. I think it's just annoying to me because the movie sort of flaunts this female sexual empowerment bend in some places, but then muddies it with these more confusing phrases and depictions. It ends up being like any ol' Cosmo magazine; mouthin' off about lady-power in the sex department, talking about the importance of the clit, and then out the other side of its mouth, insinuating that orgasms occur from skilled, in-out vaginal penetration. It can't allow itself to acknowledge the clit as the organ of female sexual pleasure and then to simply continue to discuss and depict sexual pleasure within those terms. I think in the end it's just laziness. There is no real thought put into these depictions. Plus, there's a lot of ignorance and confusion about how females orgasm, and so it just defaults to cultural stand-by images and words.

I was disappointed with the overall depiction of female sexual response in this movie, but it had its good parts. It did continually make fun of the obsessive anti-masturbation stance of the Wellville health resort director, and it did depict masturbation in an enjoyable light more than once, so there was a clear pro-masturbation stance to this movie that I liked. Also, the clit was spoken of and in the context of sexual pleasure. So, I will give this movie 3 vulvas. There's really no standard for the amount of vulvas I give out, so take my rating as you may.
(!) (!) (!)

4.08.2013

Peaches and Cream by 112 - SSL Dirty Song Champ



I am proud to announce that a new song has been added as an SSL Dirty Song Champ. By recommendation of our very own Kat von Sass, Peaches and Cream by 112 was approved. I know you are too excited to speak, so don't. Just head over to the still tiny (just 7 songs so far) SSL Dirty Song Champs playlist on Spotify, or watch it down below. The elite SSL Dirty Song Champ list, for those who don't know, is my selection of sexy, Orgasm Equality approved songs. You can learn more about qualifications in my post HERE

What you need to know about this song is that it doesn't include lyrics insinuating or outright saying anything unrealist or wrong about female orgasm like that a penis banging into her vag will make a lady come. It actually doesn't specifically talk about females getting off at all. However, it does talk about lickin' on some peaches and cream, know what I mean? It's dudes singing about how much they love sexy time with a woman and particularly how much they love to eat a gal out. That's great in itself, but it is also a nice balance to the many songs out there sung by women about how much they love pleasing a man sexually. You know I'm all about balance.

So, to get to the point, I'm including this song because it doesn't say or insinuate anything unrealistic about how women orgasms, and it does include a celebration of men giving women oral. I have to say I believe celebrations of tongue on clit is something the Orgasm Equality Movement should back. The rest of the lyrics in this song are still sexy but more vague, but he section below really drives it home, I think.

Won't stop girl you know I can't get enough
Wanna taste it in the morning when I'm waking up
Like peach cobbler in my stomach when I eat it up
Got your legs around my neck so I can't get up
See the boys 112 we from the A'
(A' - shorty we don't play)
And when it comes to eating peaches, shorty we don't play
So all the ladies in the house if your peach the shit
Put your hands in the air represent your clique
 Enjoy, and I'd love to hear other suggestions for the list.

4.05.2013

A Touch of SSL Promotion for First Friday



Spotted: T, C and B in Fountain Square hanging  "coming soon" flyers for their SSL movie. Word on the street is the AnC crew had fun with all the taping and tacking...I just hope their little creations don't get lost in the crowd.

You know you love me. XOXO,
Gossip Girl

Have I mentioned that I am currently deep into the 5th season of a Gossip Girl addiction?

Anyway, Me Charlie and Barnaby were, in fact, putting up little coming soon pieces for Science Sex and the Ladies last night. Today, being the first Friday of April, is a First Friday here in Indy (and probably many other cities too) which means people will be out in this nice spring weather walking from gallery to gallery and in all the artist residences and so forth. We thought it would be a good time to gently dip our toe into the promotion waters.

So, we made a collection of 4x6 pics and hung them up around some of the main walking areas. They really just say the name of the movie and that it's coming soon - with the AnC Movies logo at the bottom. We just wanted to start getting the title somewhere in people's brains. We're still a few months out from actually promoting any event or product, so we're taking the time to just get on the radar - both locally and around the ol' interwebs.

So, if any of my Indy readers are out at First Friday tonight, keep an eye out for our handy work - particularly in the Murphy Building.

around a corner

mixed in with all this other stuff (find them if you can)

at the entrance by the Red Lion

4.03.2013

More Ideas for Mutual Masturbation Slang



So, yes, I’m  still unsure about what should deemed...dun dun dun...the #1 slang for mutual masturbation (Check HERE and HERE if you want to read why I do so love advocating for MM). I think I have something awesome, then someone convinces me it’s not that good. So at a recent AnC meeting, we had a little brainstorming session. I’ll just leave you with some of our ideas. I’m gonna let these settle a while and then come back to the brainstorming at a later date.

Two chairs one love – I really kinda like this one
slicking
simo-slicking
mutchomasting
masting
rigging
bicycling
tanding
thigh contact
look n' touch
doublin'
two towlin' it – get it? Cause you're both sitting your naked asses on towels so you don’t mess your seats up…get it?
goofin'
nearing
proximating
vic'ing - like vicarious...does that work?
arching
dual job
hands
scrumming